Brownies

It was the first time that i actually learned how to bake brownies by myself
of course with the help of Jessie...
We used my aunt's recipe, and the cake turned out to be a bit sour,
Jessie, was being the person who actually knew how to modify things,
guess what we did? We added icing on top...
This was really my first time doing that and the only design i knew was henna....
so that was the theme of my brownies, some indian fusion design...
Mixture with mine and Jessie's design.
Of course, my best frenz were the testers, they were the one who had to comment on it...
Their comments were very important to us......
TO my SURPRISE, they actually like it, we took a lot of photos with that...
Cake was fine, the taste was fine, the design was something different......

Sad Days

The time has come for me to give up everything,
The time has come for me to say i Dowant,
I feel sad, I feel that i cant take it anymore, all this while i was trying to hold everything up,
but i just cant, there is up to one level only i can take everything...
All this while, i thought that i was the everything, but today i realize, that I am not,
How can i be with him when i am not as important as others to him?
I feel lonely now,
I feel unwanted,
I feel useless,
How can he treat me this way?
How can he have the heart to do like this to me?
If thats the question, I should be asking myself weather he has a heart or not!!!
All this while, i tought i can take the hurt, but today, when i was left unwanted,
I couldnt take it already...
When i asked him, he said "i was waiting for you to call me"
Why must i make the first move everything??
Itz always me.,,, sometimes i think that he should make the effort to do so.
Life,
what am i suppose to do now?

Relationship

When two people, a gal and a guy is in a relationship,
does it like sound so fun? is relationship meant to be fun?
Well, people say, there are ups and downs in a relationship, but what if there is more downs
then ups?
isnt relationship has to have a balance of ups and downs?
I would really dream to have such a relationship, but i dont,
lucky people deserve such a relationship, as for me, i am a very unlucky person,
i get some ups time in my relationship, but for a person like me,
thats not enough, i feel that i deserve better, but how to
leave a relationship without getting hurt, i just dont wanna go thru more hurt,
i dont wanna hurt the other person, being with me is a great thing for that person,
being with him is also a great thing for me, but what happens when things change,
i feel like just getting out from everything and running away,
i feel like giving up everything, going somewhere, cry cry cry and cry for a long period of time
and then come back to life (reality)
when i come back to reality itz will hurt of course,
stupid mistakess causes heartbreaks,
but why doesnt people understand that?
How many times will they repeat their stupid mistakes?
I am just so fed up with that,
Just when i tot he understands me the best, and he is going to be there for me and with me
forever and ever, thats when he has to change things areound us
make more stupid mistakes...........
LIFE!!!!

Sarcasm

Recently, Sacarsm has been introding my life a lot.
Sacarsm is divided into three,
1)sacarsm funny
2)sacarsm hurt
3)sacarm rude

There is this person / individual who tries to be sacarstic to me, and i think he thinks it is funny, but little that he realize that his sacarsm is really hurtfull, there are times where i am patient with this kind of characters and i put up with them, but there are times when i lose my temper, I dont like to loose my temper when it comes to frenz, and at places where i have my reputation, but situation forces me to...
There is this another individual, who is pushing me up to the wall, i have yet to loose my temper with him, but the day i loose my temper with him will be the day man that he really know who i am
When someone is sacarstic, why do they try to cover it by laughing... well hahaha
what is soo funny when u pass such a rude comment which mite offend that person??

Being the Eldest.....

What is so great about being the eldest child????
has anyone ever wondered???
according to adler, his theroy says that eldest children are given a lot of attention in thier first few years until the next child is born, soon this children will end up being waste to the society, thats what i interpret what he says...
For myself, Adler's theory is kinda true eventhough it is no validater.
When parents just fullfill what they are suppose to fullfill, and not give thier children the attention that they want, guess what happens to the child??? that child will turn up to be like me, I have no where to throw out how i feel of being the eldest child, I just hate it...
If i was the only daughter and i was the eldest child, the senario will be totally different, but it is not same being in a family where there is only two daughters, guess life isnt fair at times rite....
The only place i feel comfortable and i feel happy is with the people who gives me the attention that i need...
Sometimes being family, i wonder how come my own family members dont understand how i feel, i question God to this, but as usual, i wont get the answers that i want. From my childhood, i would always ask myself, why m i lonely,
my sister had cousins of her age that she could mingle with and be with, since because of the age gap, they wouldnt mix with me as they always said that i was too old to mix with them...
I will never forget an incident happened in my life, ( we went for a birthday party, all my relations were there, i was again feeling lonely and i wanted to go and play with my sis and the other cousins, as they were playing and i was walking towards them, they went into the room, and slam the door on my face, i had a bruised nose for a week because of that incident) well, thats how my childhood was, the only cousin that assciated with me when i was young was Shalini, but she was living in Melaka. Because of this, i would always cry to the Lord why didnt he give me someone elder to me by one year so that once in a while i wouldnt feel lonely. But life is such la, i was ignored by my sis when my cousins were there ( this happened when i was young).
At home, parents wouldnt pamper me, wouldnt give me attention, thats why to create the attention i need at home, i would behave like i am a stupid person or crack stupid jokes so that people laugh at it. make soo much of noise, make people laugh at me......
Imagine, i am a person who is lacked of attention, no attention is given to me, and The only person who gives me all the attention and pampering is Noel. The most important person in my life.
I know there are people who face things like i face, but my heart goes out to all that people.

Last time, when ever i go for family reunion, or family function, I will be sitting with all the adults and talking, hahaha, what a sad childhood rite, but thats how it was, i didnt have anyone to talk to, and thats why i would be sitting with people double or triple my age and talking to them, but atthat time, i was sad because of that, now, itz like i am use to it. Whenever i hear someone going out with thier cousins for shopping or to lepak, i start tearing as i never ever had an oppurtunity like that. I am born in such a small and pethatic family, some of it is under construction, so what is there interesting in my life????

Simple introduction

Name : Brenda Shalini
Age : 20 years
Add : simple plain selangor - ish girl
Hobbies : dancing
blogging ( current hobby) just started...
interacting and making new friends...
Ambition: to profile people..... soon one day i think.
to be a dancing therapist (sadly itz not available in the UK and Malaysia)

there is sooo many other things to know about me... but as you read my blog, i guess u will find out more about me....