ChartNexus

ChartNexus has now become a part of my life.
I have never ever worked in a company where the people are so friendly and caring.
My bos especially, so nice, he even bought orange juice for all of us so that we dont get sick.
Jeslin, is the best person that i have ever worked with before. She is young, talented, patient, not strtict, very good in teaching.
She also gives me the courage and always tells me that i can do it.
Unlike other boses who asks, you can do it or not.
This what makes me like working in ChartNexus.
I also realize that people there are not racist. Being the only Indian working there,
they are not racist and kiasu at all.
I just love working life especially working there..
We all get a laptop to do our work.

How fun can working be?
Birthday celebration parties, free food when there are courses....
Wow!

St. Anne's

My family believes in St.Anne so much so, that they always go to St.Anne
for the feast week.
St.Anne is the grandmother of Jesus and she is the patron saint.
Without her there would have not been Mary and then there would have not been Jesus.
I went to St. Anne, in believe, i have heard miracles has happened in the name of St.Anne.
People pray for things and they thier prayers are answered.
I prayed, and i am hoping for Her to answer my prayers.

Just dont understand!

Well, What do people want these days?

There is one side where,

My b***** cousin is trying to get to my XBF....

I just dont understand from what she has transformed to what.....

And its just so hard for me, especially, when i think that my own sister is in it!

I hope he knows what is best for both of us...

And i wont be ashame to admit it, I dowant both of them to get togather,

I Just cant accpet both of them to be togather...

He will know that...

I hope he realizes that...

All this while when i use to go out with him,

I just realized that the reason she never spoke to him was because, she did have feelings for me.

And she being who she is, is just a damn blady perasaan specis on this world!

How could they do this to me????

Human this days, I am just finding it hard to understand them!

Who only she didnt want,

When she tried to tell my sister that her bf keeps on looking at her,

My sister didnt realize that at that time...

My aunty should be happy!!!

Since she always liked him the most, and now he daughther is interested in him!

Direct contact!!!

It saddens me, when i hear that both of them is in it togather.

I just cant take this pain.......

Apart from that, i am going through another pain where,

Itz just pure pain and i cant bear it.

He is hurting me sooo much that i just cant bear the pain at all.

Patty patty issues are becoming the world biggest problem between us.

I think becoming single is my desire right now..

One gal, who is the gal might be interested in my X,

keeps on challenging me stuff in Facebook...

I have no idea what she is up to

and what she is trying to prove.

But i hope she is not trying to compete with me lar.!!!!

Again, i just dont understand all of this!

Today you will be with me in paradise

This words were taken from the holy bible.

So what does this mean?

Pasadise to me is where i will have never ending happiness.

right now, right here, this is not where my happiness is truly is,

Every single day i am being fooled by people,

well, sometimes i question myself and ask, weather i am a fool or not,

Hope not!!

If i care, i will not be happy, i think i should learn not to care!

Total Lost!

Sometimes we regret that when that the person is not there or that something is not there anymore, you feel the lost.
Sometimes i feel lonely and lost and also empty...
But what is gone is gone.......
The trust is gone, the being is gone, and it will never come back.
It may be hard to move on with whatever is there, but that life?
This is reality, and sometimes the truth may hurt,
While the truth hurt, feelings and emotions too are being hurt.
Certain actions that an individual does, by purpose or not,
May or may not hurt another individual, but if i dont tel it out,
that individual may not know, what he or she is doing hurts me or not!!!!
But thats who i am, i dont tel things out, directly to the person,
"What you are doing hurts me"
But i keep in my small little heart and it stays there forever,
It remains a secrect........ Coz there is going to be consequeces if i say something
If i tell that what u are doing hurts me......

The individual may tell me who are you to tell me that?

Sensitivity, that explains about me.

For you, whatever you do, and if ur happy with what ur doing then i am partially happy for you.
I wont tell you how i feel with ur actions and what you do....
Coz i certainly dowant to direct your life, its ur own life
Live it the way u want it okay. And being happy and satisfied with ur life is important!

But remember that i always care for you. I will be there for you no matter what.
I want to be a part of ur life, but if the situation doesnt allow, i will move on.

Life is life, be it the way u want it to be. Follow ur mind and not ur heart.
Sometimes ur heart will react to emotions.......
Hope that ur life will be better than mine.... It has always been...


Always there for you,
Brenda.

Langkawi

HAHA


Finally i went to langkawi,
Nice place, went crazy shopping there....
certainly a nice place to shop shop and shop.....
The beach was superb......
Perfume shops was amazing, chocolates selling soooo cheap..
But the breakfast sucked big time.....
I enjoyed.... And the best part was, my parents let me drive a CAR THERE IN LANGKAWI!!!!!
Thats triple and double triple AMAZING!!!!!
They never let me drive!
HAhahahahaha

LIFE!!!!!

Sometimes i am sad
Sometimes i am happy
Sometimes i am drowsy
Sometimes i am moody
Sometimes i am scared
Sometimes i am worried

Sometimes i Regret
Sometimes i Fear
Sometimes i Doubt
Sometimes i Give up
Sometimes i Give in
Sometimes i think
Sometimes i Dont

I am always giving in, I am always being a person who is obeying everyone.
I am not living my life the way i want it to be.
I am listening to what everyone else wants me to do except for my own heart and mind.

Sometimes i wonder, did God make me so that i follow how that person wants me to be?

Why should i care,
Why should i fear
Why should i worry?

WHY WHY WHY?????

Why cant i be myself?
Make my own mistakes
Learn from my own mistakes?

Life is made by god, and i can only live in it once,
I wanna make my own mistakes and live life up to the fullest.
I am done of making all those stupid mistakes,
I wanna be the way i am.
Being the original of me.

I wil make the changes in me.
Life is short, and i certainly dowant to waste it!

PD Retreat!!!

The Youths of Divine Mercy Shah Alam had thier retreat after planning for months, infact for years, this plan was intiated from the previous team, but we manage to carry it out.
We faced many obstacles planning out and journeying there actually, but we made it there in PD.
Sessions were great, bonding were great and everything was awesome.
I learnt a couple of things there at the camp.
How to deal with my emotions, and how to keep the fire in me burning.
NEVER get distracted with what people have to do!
I personally like the plate game when it actually tested our patients, weather we were able to work as a team to reach the goal if we had distraction and all.....

In my life, i have sooo many distraction, that is keeping me away, keeping me from reaching to my goals;

I have lost so many things in life, and sometimes i feel that i have made my mistakes, therefore, I regret..... But at times i think, why do i keep doing this to myself????

So, i have learnt, not to cry over the spilt milk, and move on, make changes that will change yourself. Dont dwell in the pass and be very emotional about the problem soo much.

Well, it was a good experience, and i hope that whatever i have learnt i will be able to carry it out in the real world, especially in the youth ministry.
Sometimes, i just need someone to listen to me and my problems, not for someone to listen and advise me....

People!

Individual is the word that says it all.
People are different, and people change. Two things that i should really remember n my life.
Always when i trust someone or people, things turns out to be the total opposite.

The other day, I just had a flash of my life, a mental representation or a image of my life when i was in school, then i realize how much i have changed. I realize that i have learnt my lesson in certain something where there are changes that should be in me. However, I love that i have change soo much from the time i was in secondary school. But somehow, i feel that i am digging my past in to me soo much. I want to talk to those who i stopped talking in the past. Sad, Hurt depressed, and all. I dont know why i miss all those days sooo much.... I am hoping for an answer but there is no answer that is coming. I didnt know that people who would have moved on in life so fast. Why is it like this?

Well the other day when i was in midvalley, shopping this fella said something about my past which i didnt want to remember, he mentioned a name, and at that instance, and at that moment, i just had a flash of memory and how things were at that time.... Curious to know on how they were, i called to find out, and we started keeping contact ever since. But things hasnt change, they are the same way they are, but i am different. At that moment also, i realize that my tamil has gone from bad to worst.. hahahahaha.... hahahahahha....

I just hope that i dont become a problem to anyone... I dowant to become a torture to anyone. Dowant to become a reason for people to fight.....God knows that, but human cant understand that. Why? I am with good intentions. Noting wrong!

Secret behind my name... tell me if it is true!

B : You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
R : You are a social butterfly.
E : You are a very exciting person.
N : You like to work, but you always want a break.
D : You have trouble trusting people.
A : You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.

S : You are very broad-minded.
H : You are not judgmental.
A : You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
L : Love is something you deeply believe in.
I : You are always smiling and making others smile.
N : You like to work, but you always want a break.
I : You are always smiling and making others smile.

HUNGER for LOVE

Hunger for love!

this love doesnt have to mean romantic relationship love...

it could be parental love.....

Mother Theresa once said, 

"the hunger for love is much difficult to be remove than the hunger for bread".....

I agree 10o% to that statment. 

Nowdays, parents who are soo stressed up with work, tend to forget/ neglect thier children's need of love and attention...

Well i too experience that..

Its either i dont get thier attention at all, or thier attention goes for something else...

Its common where you see in a household, the youngest is the one who always get the most attention, but at times parents forget that its not the  youngest one who is the one who should get all the attention, thats wrong.... i wouldnt know that because i am not a parent....

But what parent should do is to share thier love equally. Not being a picky parents and having favouritism. 

That term is mostly practiced in school and colleges, 

but why should it be practiced at HOME?

It is not acceptable at all!

Why Cant Parents share thier LOVE????

Children with Lack of Love who has experiences childhood neglect will have invisible scars left that will take a while to heal...  

Children with Lack of Love tend to think that if thier parents think that they are not worthy then at all times thier self esteem goes down.

Lack of Love to have many effects on the individual's life..

For instance, the individual may experience difficulty in Romantic Relationship!!

The self defeating behavior of one, serves to recreate the type of environment that he or she has lived through. In this case, they may have the tendency to fall in love with the partner who are emotionally or physically absent. Somehow this will lead to tolerence since she has tolerated this all her life, from young it is as though she/he has been conditioned to settle for verry little in a romantic relationship.

Simply because they dont feel they deserve better.

This is the exact situation i have been going through.....

I have realize it, but hard to change.

Kya Life Hai!!!!!!!!

Sometimes when i am upset i just look up and  Ask Why me?

Most of the time I dont get my answers!!!!

I think to myself why has god Planned all this for me????

I dont like my LIFE BEING CONTROL!!!!

I dont know why God gave me a life, Why? 

Why did God gave me a life for others to control???

At home i have no peace!!!

Outside  i have no peace!!!

In the Past there was someone to control me,

 now too someone to control me...

The funny thing is my parents are not the one who is controlling....

Parents who are controlling me, not to that extend where someone one else is controlling me...

Betrayal at home....

Is this what i should expect from a sibling!!! 

 A sibling whom i sooo trust, the one and only sibling!

Is a Droghi!!!! Batu Api!!!

The one and only place where i Reli Enjoy is with my close friends.

My B3 Friends....

The Speaky gang...

I dont feel at peace anywhere else..

I dont feel my home is the best place to be anymore.

No where is the best place for me to be execpt college.

In college although there are people i dont talk to, its not betrayal and control.

My friends dont control me whom i should talk to, to whom i shoud be with and everything.

Elsewhere................. no comments!!!!!

Read between the lines.

I pray for a peacefull life...

Or is it by staying single i would be happy? Should i remain being single?

Gosh, Decision nowdays are just sooo hard to make.....

Miserable Days!!!

I am not experiencing the miserable days of my life.....

Holidays has been sooo miserable for me...

Sometimes i just wish that i could pack my bags and go somewhere...

Anywhere will do..

I wish that i was not just seating at home and mengeram telur....

HaHAHAH....

The Best CONCERT!!!

I have never been to a praise and worship concert before.... 

but on the 25th of April 2009

marks the best, awasome concert that i have been to before. 

That day will be in my diary forever....

OLL must be proud to have Prodigal Appostle's , so as CDM, I am soo proud that

one of the band members in the Prodigal Appostle's is actually from CDM.... 

cool or not.

The concert Rocked... Well when you have the Pro's playing wouldnt it be? 

it was the higlight of the show. I have never ever 

in my life enjoyed praising Jesus @ God in my life. 

The truth is, i never thought  that praising God would 

be superb and amazing, till i went for this concert.... 

With all my strength, i too join in the crowd 

of approximately 500 youths from all over and jumped in and praised GOD. Singing to the almighty one. 

The praise and worship concert really was an eye opener. Gave me ideas, and i felt that i love singing tooo..... Although i know that i dont have a good voice... LOL....

But so what, Jesus doesnt care weather i have a good voice or not, 

I am taking the initiative to do it, i am taking the initiative to praise him, 

I am not doing it for the name and fame!!!!!!!!

My redeemer lives in me...

I will not let the fire from the rally fade of in me...

I will keep the fire burning....

Feel sooooo semangat to serve the youths OF CDM....

HAHA

Australia Hillsongs Lyrics

B3

Another semester gone just like that with my most 5 best friends.....

Assignments, Poster Defense, Teasing, Advising, Lepaking (eating indo mee), Stress, Stay Over,

Eating Eating Eating....., Exams, Tutorials, Lecture, Pontenging Class, Level 9 room...

Uninvited......

As time pass by, i feel a strong bond among us, 

Haha... well what to do? Bangsa Bangsa bersatu... has become the most important part of my life.

Everyday i go to colg what i look forward is for all of us to be there togather, to attend class, to makan togather and to lepak at the mamak togather.

Studying is besides the point!

I have never loved Help sooo much, the reason i love going to help nowday, is because of my best friends.....

In 30 mins someone could give advise (which Valerie tought wasnt a good advise)...

In the begining of the year, i tought that my new year was bad, i tought that i would have a bad year this year....

I have never expected soo much of fun, and i feel like this is the best year of my life.

One day, i will feel that this are the "Days of Our lifes" we shall all walk through our memory lane.

This people, has requested to make my 21st bday party theme a bollywood theme....

how would this match with my pool party?

We shall make a way!!!

B3 Boleh!!! 

HAHA

I hope u guys saw that... B3 Boleh.... LOL

My worst eXperience.

After such a long time, i felt that i actually experienced anxiety!!...

It all started with tuesday night, i ate my dinner, and after a few hours, i drank coffee!!!Sometimes i feel that after drinking nescafe i actually have stomach problem. The only coffee that i drink i dont have any problems would be bio cafe from Aifaa house... hahaWell, i didnt get much sleep and the next morning i woke up nausea and weired feeling in my mouth....Haihz, next morning was the worst morning of my life. I was practically in HELP toilet for more that 30 mins.... yucks yucks....Anyways. what a day, i didnt even sit for my exams.. that worries me till now... What a holiday for me man!!!!Damn Damn.....

Mean People......

Why are people mean at times? why should people be very mean at times?

In a place where we practice faith, and suppose to 

"forgive and forget" everything, people ae competing among each other,

why, why, and why? I ask the Lord,

Why did he bring me to this place, where it creates a lot of hurt of me.....

In a place, a sacred and holy place, politics are being practiced, 

why??

Im so hurt with what is going on at this place, and at times, i rely feel like giving up,

i question my lord, why did he choose me to be herE? why did he bring me here?

He should have had a reason for putting me here in this place, 

but what was his reason?

To get hurt every other time, someone passes sacarstic remarks?

Haihz......

Still Alive

Itz been quite long since my last post about the problem that i have been going through.

It has not ended, and itz getting worst day by day. 

I have made really stupid mistakes in life, and i want god to forgive me for that. 

When jesus could forgive the people that made him die, the people that were the reason for his death, 

I am sure my loving God will forgive me for whatever i have done.

I am sure God will show me away out of this problem.

I am trying not to give up with life, but i do hope that is not what he has written for me.

I have time till March 10 to stay alive.

Thank God i still have about three weeks.

My valentines

First ever valentines that i spent in a wedding.  My valentines started at 11.55pm on the 13th, when someone special came to see me, 

and this is the first valentines that i celebrated at 12midnight sharp. 

This is also the best valentines for me since, 

i attended my pet brother's wedding, and i partied till i was tired, 

the best valentines ever, something that can never ever leave my memories.

Valentines has never been soo much special to me, but this year, 

celebrating valentines with someone special at 12am sharp, and being able to wish him happy Valentines was God's Valentines gift for me, but Satan too had his gift for me on Valentines night. It was actually After Valentines that my misery started till today..

An unforgetable memory that i will treasure every second of my life.

I would like to thank God, for opening my eyes but i am also dissapointed that God opened my eyes at the very last minute. But Thank god for bringing that special person into my life.

Love is in the air