Being the Eldest.....

What is so great about being the eldest child????
has anyone ever wondered???
according to adler, his theroy says that eldest children are given a lot of attention in thier first few years until the next child is born, soon this children will end up being waste to the society, thats what i interpret what he says...
For myself, Adler's theory is kinda true eventhough it is no validater.
When parents just fullfill what they are suppose to fullfill, and not give thier children the attention that they want, guess what happens to the child??? that child will turn up to be like me, I have no where to throw out how i feel of being the eldest child, I just hate it...
If i was the only daughter and i was the eldest child, the senario will be totally different, but it is not same being in a family where there is only two daughters, guess life isnt fair at times rite....
The only place i feel comfortable and i feel happy is with the people who gives me the attention that i need...
Sometimes being family, i wonder how come my own family members dont understand how i feel, i question God to this, but as usual, i wont get the answers that i want. From my childhood, i would always ask myself, why m i lonely,
my sister had cousins of her age that she could mingle with and be with, since because of the age gap, they wouldnt mix with me as they always said that i was too old to mix with them...
I will never forget an incident happened in my life, ( we went for a birthday party, all my relations were there, i was again feeling lonely and i wanted to go and play with my sis and the other cousins, as they were playing and i was walking towards them, they went into the room, and slam the door on my face, i had a bruised nose for a week because of that incident) well, thats how my childhood was, the only cousin that assciated with me when i was young was Shalini, but she was living in Melaka. Because of this, i would always cry to the Lord why didnt he give me someone elder to me by one year so that once in a while i wouldnt feel lonely. But life is such la, i was ignored by my sis when my cousins were there ( this happened when i was young).
At home, parents wouldnt pamper me, wouldnt give me attention, thats why to create the attention i need at home, i would behave like i am a stupid person or crack stupid jokes so that people laugh at it. make soo much of noise, make people laugh at me......
Imagine, i am a person who is lacked of attention, no attention is given to me, and The only person who gives me all the attention and pampering is Noel. The most important person in my life.
I know there are people who face things like i face, but my heart goes out to all that people.

Last time, when ever i go for family reunion, or family function, I will be sitting with all the adults and talking, hahaha, what a sad childhood rite, but thats how it was, i didnt have anyone to talk to, and thats why i would be sitting with people double or triple my age and talking to them, but atthat time, i was sad because of that, now, itz like i am use to it. Whenever i hear someone going out with thier cousins for shopping or to lepak, i start tearing as i never ever had an oppurtunity like that. I am born in such a small and pethatic family, some of it is under construction, so what is there interesting in my life????