Today you will be with me in paradise

This words were taken from the holy bible.

So what does this mean?

Pasadise to me is where i will have never ending happiness.

right now, right here, this is not where my happiness is truly is,

Every single day i am being fooled by people,

well, sometimes i question myself and ask, weather i am a fool or not,

Hope not!!

If i care, i will not be happy, i think i should learn not to care!

Total Lost!

Sometimes we regret that when that the person is not there or that something is not there anymore, you feel the lost.
Sometimes i feel lonely and lost and also empty...
But what is gone is gone.......
The trust is gone, the being is gone, and it will never come back.
It may be hard to move on with whatever is there, but that life?
This is reality, and sometimes the truth may hurt,
While the truth hurt, feelings and emotions too are being hurt.
Certain actions that an individual does, by purpose or not,
May or may not hurt another individual, but if i dont tel it out,
that individual may not know, what he or she is doing hurts me or not!!!!
But thats who i am, i dont tel things out, directly to the person,
"What you are doing hurts me"
But i keep in my small little heart and it stays there forever,
It remains a secrect........ Coz there is going to be consequeces if i say something
If i tell that what u are doing hurts me......

The individual may tell me who are you to tell me that?

Sensitivity, that explains about me.

For you, whatever you do, and if ur happy with what ur doing then i am partially happy for you.
I wont tell you how i feel with ur actions and what you do....
Coz i certainly dowant to direct your life, its ur own life
Live it the way u want it okay. And being happy and satisfied with ur life is important!

But remember that i always care for you. I will be there for you no matter what.
I want to be a part of ur life, but if the situation doesnt allow, i will move on.

Life is life, be it the way u want it to be. Follow ur mind and not ur heart.
Sometimes ur heart will react to emotions.......
Hope that ur life will be better than mine.... It has always been...


Always there for you,
Brenda.

Langkawi

HAHA


Finally i went to langkawi,
Nice place, went crazy shopping there....
certainly a nice place to shop shop and shop.....
The beach was superb......
Perfume shops was amazing, chocolates selling soooo cheap..
But the breakfast sucked big time.....
I enjoyed.... And the best part was, my parents let me drive a CAR THERE IN LANGKAWI!!!!!
Thats triple and double triple AMAZING!!!!!
They never let me drive!
HAhahahahaha

LIFE!!!!!

Sometimes i am sad
Sometimes i am happy
Sometimes i am drowsy
Sometimes i am moody
Sometimes i am scared
Sometimes i am worried

Sometimes i Regret
Sometimes i Fear
Sometimes i Doubt
Sometimes i Give up
Sometimes i Give in
Sometimes i think
Sometimes i Dont

I am always giving in, I am always being a person who is obeying everyone.
I am not living my life the way i want it to be.
I am listening to what everyone else wants me to do except for my own heart and mind.

Sometimes i wonder, did God make me so that i follow how that person wants me to be?

Why should i care,
Why should i fear
Why should i worry?

WHY WHY WHY?????

Why cant i be myself?
Make my own mistakes
Learn from my own mistakes?

Life is made by god, and i can only live in it once,
I wanna make my own mistakes and live life up to the fullest.
I am done of making all those stupid mistakes,
I wanna be the way i am.
Being the original of me.

I wil make the changes in me.
Life is short, and i certainly dowant to waste it!

PD Retreat!!!

The Youths of Divine Mercy Shah Alam had thier retreat after planning for months, infact for years, this plan was intiated from the previous team, but we manage to carry it out.
We faced many obstacles planning out and journeying there actually, but we made it there in PD.
Sessions were great, bonding were great and everything was awesome.
I learnt a couple of things there at the camp.
How to deal with my emotions, and how to keep the fire in me burning.
NEVER get distracted with what people have to do!
I personally like the plate game when it actually tested our patients, weather we were able to work as a team to reach the goal if we had distraction and all.....

In my life, i have sooo many distraction, that is keeping me away, keeping me from reaching to my goals;

I have lost so many things in life, and sometimes i feel that i have made my mistakes, therefore, I regret..... But at times i think, why do i keep doing this to myself????

So, i have learnt, not to cry over the spilt milk, and move on, make changes that will change yourself. Dont dwell in the pass and be very emotional about the problem soo much.

Well, it was a good experience, and i hope that whatever i have learnt i will be able to carry it out in the real world, especially in the youth ministry.
Sometimes, i just need someone to listen to me and my problems, not for someone to listen and advise me....

People!

Individual is the word that says it all.
People are different, and people change. Two things that i should really remember n my life.
Always when i trust someone or people, things turns out to be the total opposite.

The other day, I just had a flash of my life, a mental representation or a image of my life when i was in school, then i realize how much i have changed. I realize that i have learnt my lesson in certain something where there are changes that should be in me. However, I love that i have change soo much from the time i was in secondary school. But somehow, i feel that i am digging my past in to me soo much. I want to talk to those who i stopped talking in the past. Sad, Hurt depressed, and all. I dont know why i miss all those days sooo much.... I am hoping for an answer but there is no answer that is coming. I didnt know that people who would have moved on in life so fast. Why is it like this?

Well the other day when i was in midvalley, shopping this fella said something about my past which i didnt want to remember, he mentioned a name, and at that instance, and at that moment, i just had a flash of memory and how things were at that time.... Curious to know on how they were, i called to find out, and we started keeping contact ever since. But things hasnt change, they are the same way they are, but i am different. At that moment also, i realize that my tamil has gone from bad to worst.. hahahahaha.... hahahahahha....

I just hope that i dont become a problem to anyone... I dowant to become a torture to anyone. Dowant to become a reason for people to fight.....God knows that, but human cant understand that. Why? I am with good intentions. Noting wrong!